Erik Satie's instructions for his Gymnopédie No. 1 is "lent et douloureux" (slow and sorrowful / painful). So how slow is painfully slow? I just have to find out for myself.
Setup of the experiment:

After studying the score and test-playing a few times, I settled upon my own definition of "slow and painful". Appropriate annotations are added:

Good measurements are key to a successful experiment (especially when you are down to 30 beats per minute), so here's my instrument:

The result was recorded into an MP3 (duration: 7m51s) and can be downloaded for your listening pleasure / pain. Enjoy / Squirm.
I absolutely agree with you and love your second picture: "Absurdement Lent et Douloureux" Good call!!
I was wondering if I could have your permission to put the photo up on my site. Its just a little blog with my friends and we contribute pictures and thoughts.
My friend just recently wrote an article about Erik Satie and I would love to have this picture accompany the post.
I have not posted anything yet but I would put a footnote on the picture to give you credit and I can put a link to your site/blog if you like.
Let me know what you think asap.
Thank you!
Sab
p.s. I still like Erik Satie regardless! :)